When Your Child is the Victim of Bullying

Recognizing the signs of bullying.

Bullying can be a big, bad secret—both for the bully and for the victim.

Kids keep quiet about bullying for many reasons. Sometimes they feel ashamed or embarrassed that they are being bullied. They may believe it’s their own fault, that if they were somehow able to look or behave differently the bullying wouldn’t be happening. Often, kids are scared that if they report the bullying, it will only grow worse. They are often afraid that they will be required to fight back, which is a scary prospect.

Because kids won’t always report bullying, it’s important to recognize the warning signs. Some signs that your child may be the victim of a bully:

  • Wants to stay home from school
  • Tries to avoid certain situations, such as riding the bus, walking to school, or staying after school for extracurricular activities
  • Takes the long way to or from school
  • Seems anxious, secretive, moody, or upset
  • Has trouble sleeping and/or eating
  • Stops participating in activities he/she enjoys
  • Asks for extra lunch money
  • Has unexplained bruises, cuts, or scratches
  • Is tearful and depressed
  • Constantly “losing” money or possessions
  • Starts struggling with schoolwork
  • Comes home with torn, damaged, or missing clothing or possessions
  • Has few, if any, friends

Addressing the Problem

If your child exhibits any of the above signs, he/she may or may not be the victim of a bully. It’s important to explore the issue, as bullying usually only escalates with time.

If you suspect that your child is being bullied:

  • You may want to try direct questioning: “Are any of the kids at school picking on you?”
  • Sometimes a subtle line of questioning will allow a child to open up: “Do you have any special friends at school you like to hang out with? Who are they? Are there any kids you don’t like?”
  • Find ways to broach the topic of bullying. For example, you may discuss a bullying scenario from a television show or a book.
  • Talk with the school staff. Share with them your concerns that your child is being bullied. Ask them if they are aware of any bullying and ask them to watch out for signs of the behavior.

Bullying is a problem that doesn’t go away without intervention and kids feel powerless to resolve it. You are your child’s protector.